Holding on to the past...

Random note before I go into my blog: I got a merit for school for the musical! I didn't even know until my mom read the school newsletter thing and was like "OH! You got a merit! But they mispelt your name..." xD

Now, I've realized a trend in my family. I think it's a trend anyways. I can only say this for the family members I live with though (that being my mom, second brother and I). As you can probably tell from the title, I think that this trend is holding on to the past. This is something I try NOT to do, but I think I still do it anyways. I don't think its good thing, to hold on, because then it feels like your peak has past... and that just means its all downhill from here, more or less.

What do I mean by "holding on"? Well, my brother, for example, always brings up his high school days, when he was in his high school choir, musicals, when he lived in Taiwan (because Taiwan is probably this exalted shrine in his head) and is constantly comparing everything to that.

My mom, on the other hand, constantly compares to China, where everything is cheap, shopkeepers are always trying to cheat their customers and there is always somewhat of a language barrier, which we often use to our advantage to speak amongst ourselves in our own tongue/English.

I don't know what I hold on to... I remember making a conscious decision to let go of China; let go of Taiwan. Like sure, they were good times... they were great times, but what is the point of comparing that to now? It does no good to me, so why bring it up? If anything, it makes me feel worse, because it SEEMS that those memories are so much better than whatever I'm doing/going through at the moment. But I think this is just a mindtrick, because memories become distorted and... "romaticized", if you like, over time.

Maybe I hold on to... people/relationships and schools. Oh, I know, I hold on to identity. Thats the one thing I think I hold on to. Ugh, maybe I hold on to a bit of everything. Its actually really hard to pinpoint something that I hold on to as "mental baggage".

I think I hold on the people quite a bit as well. Not that I'm clingy, am I? I certainly hope not. But like the relationships I have with friends are something I hold on to. But not to the point where I'm constantly thinking of friends who have walked out of my life already... so maybe it's not holding on.

Oh, I don't know. I hold on to stuff, but I'm not sure if I know what.

Thats the thought for the day.

-jmah-

NOTE: What I said about my brother and mom is my opinion and what I feel from them. Don't know if it is really what they are holding on to, but thats what it seems like. Maybe like psychoanalysis, as offered by Freud...

Freudian psychoanalysis refers to a specific type of treatment in which the "analysand" (analytic patient) verbalizes thoughts, including free associations, fantasies, and dreams, from which the analyst formulates the unconscious conflicts causing the patient's symptoms and character problems, and interprets them for the patient to create insight for resolution of the problems.
Source: WIKIPEDIA! =)

Haha... with the Freudian slips and all. o_o;; Yeaaah...

Swine flu? ENTER Calculator...

Well, I'm at home because I'm sick and the school said that we shouldnt go to school if we are exhibiting flu symptoms, until cleared by a docter.... So I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow.

And I have a trial exam today... so I'll still go in for that. I think... I don't want to. But I should... and I'll fail anyways, simply 'cause I suck at chemistry. Raawrgh.

I've been playing around with the ENTER calculator and I've found that art is not worth the effort! I need to get 36 to get the equivalent of my really crappy Chinese mark... And it is going to count as a bottom two anyways. So I've decided I'm not gonna put that much effort into it. Instead, I'm gonna put effort into my other subjects to get:

English: 42
Methods: 40
Chemistry: 35
Psychology: 48

And that gets me a 98! Whoot. But lookit this. This is what I would have to get to get 99

English: 45
Methods: 43
Chemistry: 42
Psychology 48

This is on the basis that I get NO 50s and English will be my second strongest subject (because I need it to be for Arts Dean's Scholar Program at Monash). The biggest change was chemistry by 7 marks. BLEH! Nah, 98 ftw... Now I should be studying for trial.... or doing papers. But I CBB. But I better head off to school now.

-jmah-

Another long day....

Oh. My. Gosh.

Who ever said VCE would be full of SO many long days?!

School was the usual. But I had a psychology trial at the end of the day... AND I VERBALLY SHITTED ON IT. Okay, not sure if that made sense. But I did SO CRAP in it. Was feeling pretty shit about it. MEH! It's only trial.

Last night, I did 1.5 practice exams... the one full one was done under timed conditions, and I did it in an hour! WH00T! with like...40 minutes to spare, so I couldn't be stuffed going through my answers, so I just checked it after taking a 5 minute break. I got 91%!! The other two which I've done I got 74% and 72%... shows what timed conditions does! Okay, but about today... IT TOOK ME THE WHOLE 1.75 HOURS! >.<;; NO TIME TO CHECK THROUGH! And I was rushing like shit at the end. FRACKING A. Eh. It's just a trial.

Anywho, my mind was soon taken off that when I was setting up rooms for debating... trying to study before debating... eating dinner.... prepping for debating.... and timekeeping for a debate. Woaah. Long process, and extremely unproductive. Before the debate, I did jack-crap amount of work. During prep for the secret topic "We should abolish religious schools", us being affirmative, I felt like I wasn't contributing. But I guess it was good for me to watch the prep. Then during the debate I was timekeeping, which involves basically clapping at 6 minutes and double clapping at 8... Fun?

Yeah, after all that I got home at like 9:40ish. Yay!

Now I'm here. Double yay!

Oh, I registered for the UMAT today.

What is the causes for compulsive lying? Is there a need? or something?? It confuses me.

And on that note... DADA!

-jmah-

BTW: Dada is an art period, which Man Ray played a big part in, alongside Marcel Duchamp. And it is also like "tata" the posh, somewhat preppy way, of saying "bye". So therefore my blog ended on a pun! Aha! I'm genius. Now it's not so funny. MEH!


EDIT:
Okay, actually that pun wasn't even funny to begin with. And something I wanted to add... I HAVEN'T BEEN TO CHURCH IN PROBABLY OVER A MONTH! WTH. Okay. Yeah... >.<;;

Bloggity blog blog blog: I DID SPORT TODAY. LYK TOTALLY ZOMGOSH.

I did sport today. Yay. It was actually good fun, ultimate frisbee. Haha, and Veale said that I was the most um.... ______ ______. I can't remember what he said, but it was about playing the game. xD It was good, it meant that I was putting effort into it. XD Yeah, I did sport. =)

Yeah... I was planning to start studying at 5, but now its 5:07, so this is gonna be short.

I think I'm gonna start bringing my camera around so I can get some good shots =) and... yes. Okay. OMGOSH. I DID MORE THROWING LAST NIGHT (pottery wheel). My inner thigh was so sore after, no idea why. And my arms were pretty tired today. Haha. I'm weaaak. But the clay is pretty damn tank... Like, I gotta put my whole body into it.... MY THIGHS?! Yeah, no idea. Anyways. Time to shower ('cause I did sport) and then STUDY! =)

-jmah-

Happy day!

I'm feeling happy today. No idea why, but I do. Haha.

It has been another long rehersal day... *sigh* It went till 5, and we didn't even get to run through act 2! RAWR!

So tomorrow we're gonna do a run of act 2, and a run of the whole show. Yay... And I miss like... most of school. I have two classes tomorrow. Yay?

Okay, something I do want to talk about. I think when talking about love, people limit themselves to what/who they can love. Like... what's to say that you can't/won't fall in love with someone who isn't that smart? Or something that is blue? We talked a bit about this in LinC, 'cause we were talking abouts friends and describing our ideal "best friend" which essentially would be future-partner. Or something of the like. Meh. I'll actually change topic and talk about that instead.

We had to think of 5 best friends and what they would say about us and what we would say about them... Haha... Yeah...

When I was in drama.com a while back, we did this exercise of um... "tapping into our emotions" or something like that. And it was actually really powerful stuff. I got the emotion "happiness" and I instantly thought of one of my best friends and the times that we've spent together and how much fun we would have together, and it made me happy. After, Fiona (the leader) was like "Oh, I could tell that you were really into it and you really felt that emotion." (along those lines), and I was just like "Woah..." XD

Yeah. =) Random tangent...

Double post day!

I just got back from shopping and dinner at Westfield...

I BOUGHT NEW EARPHONES.

Okay, I'll tell you all the story behind the earphones. It's not very long. I think I can summarize it in a line. Let me try...

Well, it was a bright summer day, or something of the like, and... wait... maybe a cool winter day. But that doesn't matter. And I came home from school one day... or was it from LinC? Maybe it was from LinC... And well Matt Tan came back with me... and I went upstairs to the toilet... and I came down and found my cat gnawing on my EXPENSIVE earphones that my dad got me for Christmas! D= THE SHOCK AND THE HORROR.

That was my failed attempt to summarize a story in a line. =)

So now I have new ones... which were EVEN MORE EXPENSIVE.... inflation, per-maybe-haps? D= BLIZZY IS NOT TOUCHING THESE BABIES! D=!!!

Okay. End post.

-jmah-

EDIT:
Haha, triple post?

First pair of earphones:





















Source: http://cache.gizmodo.com/images/2006/07/cx300.jpg

I didn't like how they seemed very... "fragile" and the plug felt really weak. The wire is extremely thin.

Second pair of earphones:











Source: http://www.headphones.lv/images/Galleries/Sennheiser/CX%20300%20II%20Precision/CX-300-II-Precision-Black.jpg

These feel more sturdy... and they COME WITH A POUCH! Big big big plus! I was thinking of NOT getting them because I thought they didn't have a carry case or something. BUT IT SUPRISED ME WITH A POUCH! It makes it all worth it. No, honestly, it does. I'm not being sarcastic although it may seem like it... and yeah... The jack feels SO MUCH sturdier in comparison as well.. haha...

So YAY!

I'm such a liar

I lied yesterday to you all. Actually that's bending the truth. I lied TWICE to you all.

I said I would study... well, I didn't study at all last night. Hahah.... MEH!

I was too pooped. Haha.

But now it's the weekend and I'm happy that it's finally HERE! =)

<3

Art SAC is OVAAAR! And that means someone is happy... guess who might that be? ME! Yayy. And probably everyone else in my art class... =)

When we're human again...

=)

Beauty and the Beast is coming along. TIRING.

I've basically cut myself off chatting. xD I don't haven't really been on skype, and I haven't talked to anyone on MSN. =) Probably 'cause I always have better things to do. But I'm trying to limit myself to MAIL and BLOG. That's it. Haha. It's less addictive and you can only do so much. Oh, and I have the phone. But rarely use that anywhos.

Art SAC is absolutely terrible. I'm gonna start studying for that after this... after a shower.... and... after maybe another bite. *sigh* I'll get to it when I get to it. I thought I made progress on my chess set this arvo, when I spent my double sport making 16 balls as pawns... then Ms. Brysha says that "THEY WELL CRACK OR EXPLODE. They have to be hollow!" Senadhi knew and he didn't even tell me! Rawr!

Haha. I just did some HTML editing... That's funny.

COME WATCH BEAUTY AND THE BEAST! Not because I want you to, but because YOU WANT TO! =)

Oh and a thought. Thoughts are scary o_o like... thoughts can be anything and everything and whatever whenever. Isn't that scary? I thought it was. Now I'm scaring myself.

Time to de-disgustify myself(shower). *shudders*

-jmah-

EDIT:
I lied. I F_C____KED for an hour...

Funky-as dreams!

Omgosh. I had the WEIRDEST dreams last night. Like REALLY WEIRD.

I had two. First one was weirder... I was looking for a toilet or something. Couldn't find one. But a few people were in my dream... um... EJ, Yung Han, Matt Tan, Jessie, Incy... hahah it was weird. Some of them were helping me find the toilet. xD And the toilets had themes... I went into a supposed to be Russian themed toilet... but it looked more like Wild Wild West theme. Haha... Yeaaah.. WEIIIRD.

Second dream was me and my brother looking for a restraunt/hostel place for his cell group and friends and stuff, and I was on a bike... and I got to the place because I recognized it and yeah... When I was there I saw everyone and went into another room and saw Chris and Cat on a couch... and Chris was like to me "We need to 'winew'" and I think I just understood it... and he explained to Cat "Winew is to clean... we have to clean upstairs..." ._.;; Weird. I know.

That's my post. =)

One part of one of the dreams actually came true today... hehe, that was pretty cool. =] And I'm not kidding. Like I was thinking about the dreams over and over and over again so I wouldn't forget it, and then something happened at school and I was like "WOAH! THAT HAPPENED IN MY DREAM! DEJA VU!"

Haha. Yeah. Now time to try and get some sleep for Art SAC tomorrow... and freaking Psychology work is bogging me down. =( And METHODS. OH MY SHIT. Okay, John. STOP STRESSING.

-jmah-

Columbia app and other things...

I didn't get in. I found out last night.

And I get on with life. =)

Today, I'm gonna be at school for most of the day, with Beauty and the Beast rehersal going from 11 - 5.... D= No study done! RAWR! I'm gonna try my hardest to study in between numbers and stuff. I've realized, I keep forgetting which line I'm singing... and when I do remember which line I'm supposed to be singing, I can't find the note! D= stupid harmonies.

And I should be leaving in 9 minutes, so I should really get of the computer and get ready to leave >.<

-jmah-

Blogging

Blogging is all good and all... but why blog when you can do? Doing is more fun than blogging. So now I'm gonna go do, and when I can't find anything to do, I'll blog. =)

This blog would've actually turned out as a "ZOMGOSH-LONG-DAY-POST" as well, if I blogged, so YAY! I'm not really blogging! Lucky you guys. =]

Be back later with news of the stuff I'm about to do. =D