God, faith, friends and parents (oh and explanation to blog title!)

Okay, I'll try and type up the stuff which disappeared the other day. Why I said I might be writing with the wrong motivation was because I was feeling bleh about some stuff, and I guess I was writing that because I was just being moody. Now I'll write it, but with less of a/an bias/emotional attachment.

I seemed to have spark a little argument in my last post about the big three letter word. GOD. To me, God exists. To Lydia, maybe not, but I love her all the same =P That reminds me of something I was thinking about this morning.... I kept thinking the lines "Hate the sin, love the sinner." This isn't saying that I hate Lydia (No, no, you are far too lovely, my bubblicious puppycakes =P). But it was just a random thought I had today. It's strange how so many people have lost sight of love, but instead would rather pick up loathing and hatred towards people who *ahem* "sin". But seeing that EVERYONE sins... hypocrites!

Spiritually, I feel like I'm pretty... "small". I don't have much faith, I have my doubts, circumstances keep me on the fence for many things. And this is weird, because I'm supposed to be a leader of Students Alive, the Christian group at my school. Unknown to me, however, was that other people knew that I'm a leader of SA. I found this out when I was sitting in the library with Josh Wong and two of his friends, and his friends (A and B) were talking amongst themselves. There conversation went something like:

A: I haven't really been praying recent, I don't know whether I'm praying right or something, but I don't feel like I'm talking to God...

B: Oh... well... why don't you ask Johnmah?

This was a shock to me. I'm no spiritual counsellor or pastor or anything like that. I, in no way, have my Bible knowledge downpat, let alone my faith in the Bible err... "intact". I have my own struggles with my faith. From another perspective, EVERYONE has struggles with their faith, even pastors and stuff. I recently sorta 'went back to basics' if that makes sense, because I basically just tried to take away any human bias' from mind and look through arguments for and against certain issues and then make my own mind up. It's like clearing a slate and filling it back up, but organizing it.

I've talked to people about the Christian faith and all... and someone made a really good point, in that we have split the religion Christianity into two parts: Church and Christianity. The difference is that Church has rules and regulations to govern it's people in order to maintain face value. I reckon, anyways. For example, they can't keep a pastor who rapes little children a pastor, as not only will the public rage, but the congregation won't be very trusting. So the Church will make the decision to demote them and help them um... "normalize". >.<;; (For lack of a better word)

Christianity, on the other hand, is a living faith of living a righteous and morally right lifestyle. This involves loving sinners, despite their sins. A lot of the time, we don't see how many people get hurt just because we follow Church rather than Christianity and it's just so saddening to see that too often people turn away God because of it.

On a more happier note, I'm so grateful for my friends and family. The other day, I just realize how much I rely on a few of my really close friends. Lidders, despite you're anti-God, anti-religious, atheistic views and all... without you, I wouldn't have accepted myself as the way I am. I've realized that I'm not that bright a student in academics, but maybe I'm just not meant to be. And because of the "mentality" that you have helped build in me, I accept that maybe I would do better in other areas other than academics. That was a weird/bad example, but thank you. =)

Seaweedgirl, zomgosh. Freaking. Without YOU! GEEZ. Seeing as you are the only one of my reallllly close friends to live actually IN THE SAME COUNTRY, I swear I could not live without you. I'm so glad we have "mutual understandings" on so many different levels. XD Thank you for being my shoulder to lean on, rock I stand upon and, most of all, net to catch me when I'm down. =D

JMee, yes indeed after all these years, we can STILL talk about anything and everything. You better be in Singapore when I get there.... or else I might just have to kill you. =P Btw, don't stress too much, and if you ever needa talk, you know how to find me, or just pop me an email =) I'm always willing to listen/read.

=) Love you guys all to death.

Raargh! I'm so grateful that my mom is so accepting of my marks and stuff. I don't know whether that makes me complacent, because shes so accepting of my marks and all... but yeah. I love her for that. I just hope and pray that she will accept me and support me, no matter the choices I make in life, through the mistakes I make in life and just the way I eventually turn out. As with the rest of my family.

Oh, I also wanted to talk about my blog name and why it's called imperfectlyfound.

It has two meanings: "imperfectly found" and "I'm perfectly found".

This basically means that I am found imperfect, but the act of being FOUND was perfect. Although it may seem like the second one means that I'm perfect, but that would be "I'm found perfect" and the use of "perfectly" is an adverb describing "found" and thus the act of being found was perfect. If that makes sene at all. Haha.

-jmah-

[EDIT: Oh, just 'cause I don't name other people, doesn't mean I don't <3 them too. I <3 most of you all anyways. =) These guys are just "speshol"er. See how I wrote that? ER! That means you all are speshol too. =P]